Ya’ll, i’m not going to lie, this post has been in the works for the last two years. I mean, how do you even begin to share your infertility story? Maybe that’s why many people don’t! As I write this post, I want you to know that there isn’t a happy ending to this post quite yet. If you are reading and hoping at the end of this that I have since gotten pregnant and my fairytale ending happened….it hasn’t. But if you are reading to hear the heartache we’ve been through, the hope and dreams of our future family and how this has impacted us, I invite you to keep reading!
For those of you who know Tristan and I, you know that we have been together since we were seventeen and eighteen. When we got married, we had been together for ten years. As you can imagine, we were eager to enjoy “married life,” but we also were really excited to expand our family. Knowing that my mom and sister both had not one problem getting pregnant, I was terrified that we would try once and get pregnant. This ultimately led Tristan and I to make the decision to wait a year and a couple months before we wanted to officially start trying for a family.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. March 8, 2016 was the day that Tristan and I decided it was time to start trying. We were at one of our favorite places, The Cheesecake Factory. I remember we were having drinks and I casually brought up to him that I thought it was time. I remember being so nervous. What if he didn’t want what I wanted? What if he wasn’t ready and I really was? Luckily, he responded with, “yeah, okay let’s do it.” Well, it wasn’t exactly those words, but you get my point!
April 2016 was our first official month of “trying.” We had heard that it took normal, healthy couples up to a year. While we kept this in mind, we really didn’t believe it pertained to us. We thought, “we’ve got this…just six months or so and we will be pregnant!” When April 2016 came around, I had experienced a lot of disappointment and sadness but somehow I will still so hopeful it was going to happen for us!
By August of 2016, I was heartbroken. I just didn’t get it. At this point, all of my close girlfriends were “trying,” had children or were pregnant with their first. Baby showers were becoming more and more regular and for the first time in my friends group, I felt really left out. It wasn’t fair. I found myself becoming more and more jealous of those around me. I would cry, I would feel guilty for being jealous, I would even not hangout with my girlfriends because I just couldn’t handle how they all had something I wanted so badly.
It was around this time that we decided to take a break from trying. Emotionally and physically, I just couldn’t handle it anymore. We wanted to just focus back on the two of us and what we had going on in our lives and not worry about ovulation sticks, timing everything perfectly and all the other things that go into trying to get pregnant. For the next 8 months we got back to our normal routine. I was happier. I wasn’t as jealous as I was. Each day was not consumed by being sad that I wasn’t pregnant, reading all these crazy articles about trying to get pregnant. It was much needed! (P.S. If you are reading this and going through the same thing and wondering if a break is what you need, I can’t tell you that’s exactly what you need, but definitely consider it! It’s amazing what it will do for you and your marriage)!
In Spring of 2017, I decided to find a new OBGYN. I was being told by friends to consider visiting an infertility clinic, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Looking back, I think it was because I was absolutely terrified of what an infertility clinic might tell me! I knew we were having a tough time, but I didn’t think I could handle knowing that I was truly not able to have children. Once I found this new OBGYN, things really seemed to be going in the right direction. She listened to me. She began testing me for things that I hadn’t thought of and she put me on some medications that would hopefully help with my cycle. Things really seemed to be going great and I was once again hopeful that we would get pregnant.
By the early Winter, we decided to take a second break from trying. At this time, all of our friends seemed to have babies, some even had two. Nothing seemed to be working and once again, I just couldn’t handle it.
That Winter into Spring was a blur. I honestly don’t remember if we did or didn’t try. I just know, it was a really hard time and I was starting to look into infertility doctors.
In July of 2018 I visited Jones Institute and it was life changing to say the least. Within an hour, I had a doctor who was determined to get us pregnant, I had scheduled testing for the following week and I even had a surgery date to assist me with the issues I was experiencing month to month. We left that meeting so excited that someone finally heard us and understood my body and what we’ve been going through.
The next month I had a surgery that essentially helped me stop some of the mid-cycle bleeding issues that I had going on and ya’ll, the surgery worked. It was a game changer! After the surgery, my doctor explained to me that while I had been trying for close to 2 1/2 years, I couldn’t count that time due to what I had going on and that moving forward, it’s like we just started trying.
Since my surgery, we have monthly visits to the doctor. We are currently trying and with the doctors help and a lot of support and hope, we are praying and hoping that our miracle baby or heck, babies is going to happen for us soon!
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